


Save My HeavyDirtySoul

by Okenite



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-10
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-08-20 12:38:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 20,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8249422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Okenite/pseuds/Okenite
Summary: You and Tyler are both broken people. You know you can fix eachother, but it's easier said than done.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my native language, so if you see any mistakes, please let me know :)

You and Josh go way back. When you met him you were going through some really rough stuff, which made highschool seem like an absurd nightmare that never seemed to end. You hated being here, but you knew that it was the only way to move on after what happened.  
Josh was that kid, standing in the corner of the hallway, dressed in black, dark hair covering part of his face. It appeared he did have one friend. A tall, nerdy looking boy with blonde curly hair. You think his name was Harry. But Harry was long gone by the time you and Josh started hanging out. It was only a few years later that you found out Harry had killed himself.

Josh was your friend, the sweetest guy on the planet, and he got you through the hard times. You helped eachother out with everything and eventually you both graduaded highschool with more confidence than you could ever have imagined. You kept in touch after that, but it wasn't the same. You both had jobs, Josh played music in his free time and you just didn't feel like there was ever enough time to catch up. So after a while you lost sight of eachother. You didn't call anymore and you didn't meet up by the bench behind the basketball field anymore. That seemed juvenile, and this was adulthood. Time to get serious.

But then Josh started playing music with Tyler. He called you, out of the blue, and invited you to a show in town. You smiled the entire time he was talking, although he couldn't see you.

And that's when you met Tyler. Tyler is almost exactly like you. He's intelligent, driven and dominant.  
Josh immediately noticed that you and Tyler matched like nothing he had ever seen before. But you were never one to fall in love at first sight and neither was Tyler.

"Y/N, you're not gonna believe this!!" Josh always sounds calm, but the excitement in his voice is uncontrollable right now. You're holding your phone pressed against your ear while you keep folding the sweaters on the table by the door. Working at this store is awfull, but it's a steady income. Besides, it's a great excuse to cover up the fact that you're actually making more money with your side job these days. A side job that you REALLY wouldn't want to explain to your foster parents. "What's going on, Josh?" You ask, more curious than ever. "We just got signed by Fueled by Ramen. We got signed, Y/N!! We got...it's a label, a real label! We got signed by a label!!" Josh is almost yelling at this point. You gasp and drop a bundle of unfolded sweaters on the floor. Your high pitched screeching must have been heard throughout the entire mall as you jump up and down, failing to contain your happiness.

Almost 7 months later, you find yourself in your apartment, running from room to room. Your bags are on your bed, halfway packed. Josh practically demanded that you would come on tour with him. He insisted it was the only thing that would keep him sane, and although you don't really enjoy travelling, you agreed to quit your job and come along. This means you are gonna spend the next 3 months with a bunch of guys, in a tourbus and hotel rooms. So you should probably pack all you can carry.

The doorbell rings and you open the door to find Tyler smiling at you. "Hey, I'm here to pick you up." He says and lets himself in. You look around the hallway and frown, "Where's Josh?"

"Uh...he's still packing, I think. Why? Am I not sufficient?" He walks around your apartment while he talks and inspects everything thoroughly. "You know he's just the drummer, right?" A deviant smile appears on his face. "Of course, I forgot you're way more important." You answer sarcastically and you walk into the bathroom to collect the last of your things. When you enter your bedroom you find Tyler standing next to your pile of bags. "Are you serious?" He asks, while pointing at the pile. You curl your lips, "Yes. I need my things. Don't judge me." You say while stuffing more shampoo in one the bags and zipping it up. Tyler sighs before picking two of them up and carrying them to the door of your apartment. You follow him, carrying a backpack and a trolly. He looks at you, shakes his head and returns to the bedroom to grab the last two suitcases. There's no elevator in your building and by the time all of your luggage is downstairs, Tyler is almost out of breath. "Yeah...huh...next time, Josh is picking you up..." He huffs and pushes your bags into the trunk of his car.

You smile and kiss him on the cheek, which makes him blush. He looks so innocent, so pure. But the thing about Tyler is, you know that he's hiding something dark inside of him. You can hear it in his music and you can see it in his eyes. His big brown eyes, the kind of eyes that can pierce right through a persons soul. You've managed to stay at a safe distance so far. Tyler is attractive and interesting to you, but for all the wrong reasons. He reminds you of the darkness you faced years ago. His voice makes your skin vibrate with longing to let go of the walls you've managed to build around you. Those walls have protected you for years now and you don't see any reason to tempt faith like this.


	2. Chapter Two

Mark stares at you from across the table, holding a glass of lemonade in his hand. He carefully sips from the straw as his eyes stay focused on you. You put a strand of hair behind your ear, trying to be comfortable, but it's useless. Mark has been hitting on you from the start although you've been perfectly clear about the fact that you're not interested. Tonight he asked you out for drinks. Normally you would have declined, but Josh was making a sad pleading face behind his back as he asked, so you did him this favor.

"What?" You ask, clearly annoyed. Mark puts down his drink and leans in, "Has anyone ever told you that you have the most beautiful eyelashes?" You roll your eyes involuntary. Mark leans back and sighs. He looks out the window, as if he's contemplating. "I know you like Josh, but...I just thought...I mean, he's not really making a move and you've known eachother for so long..." Your eyes widen, you sit up straight and cross your arms. "I'm sorry, what??" Your voice echoes through the almost empty bar. Mark looks at you again and you shake your head in disbelief. "I don't...like Josh...not in that way. Where did you even get that idea?" You keep shaking your head. Mark doesn't reply, he just shrugs and takes another sip of his lemonade. "Fine. So then why don't you want to be here with me?" He asks. For some ridiculous reason you hear Tyler laughing in your head. You bite your lips, you really don't want to hurt Mark. He's a good guy. He's just...not your type.

Tyler throws on a clean shirt and crashes on the couch next to Josh. "Where's Mark?" He asks, while picking up the playstation controller. "Out." Josh doesn't look up from his phone. "With Y/N." Tyler turns his head towards Josh. "Nooooo!" He gasps. "He finally convinced her to go out with him?" He's smiling, the dimples in his cheeks clearly visible. Suddenly the expression on his face changes and he puts his hand on Josh's arm. "He didn't roofie her or something, right?" Tyler asks, concerned. Josh bursts out in laughter. "Hahaha, nooo! Believe me, if anyone gets drugged and tied to a bed tonight, it'll be Mark!" Josh yells out, still laughing. Tyler puts his hand over his mouth, giggling and his eyes widen. The mood shifts when Josh suddenly stops laughing and scrapes his throat. Tyler looks confused. "What?" Tyler asks, shaking his head. Josh tilts his head. He looks at Tyler like he wants to say something, but he can't. "Josh? What? C'mon!" Tyler knows that Josh is bad at keeping secrets, at least from him. And he will keep nagging Josh until he drags it out of him. "I really shouldn't...I dunno." Josh looks at his phone, resting in his lap. "Duuuuude..." Tyler starts. "Allright, allright, okay, I'll tell you. But you have to promise to keep your big mouth shut this time." Josh sighs, remembering the last time he told Tyler one of his secrets. It wasn't dramatic, but it could have been avoided. His mom had given him a sweater for Christmas and he really hated it. Of course Tyler knew and Tyler also knew better than to mention to his mom that (quote) "Josh had to wear his ugly Christmas sweater today, because all his other clothes were in the laundry".

"Okay, so it's like this. Y/N, she's kind of into this, I dunno...freaky stuff, I guess." Josh looks at Tyler, hoping there's no need to clarify. But of course Tyler frowns, seemingly confused. "Oh...like dressing up in clown costumes or something?" Tyler asks, looking up as if he's imagining it. "Yeah, I can see that happening." He nods and looks back at Josh. Josh just raises one eyebrow. "Ty...c'mon man, you know what I mean." Tyler keeps staring at him, clearly demanding more information. Josh sighs, "Well, she has this hobby, no, actually, it's more like a job because these people pay her..." Josh is having a hard time trying to explain, so he refers to the only thing that comes to mind, "It's sort of a Fifty Shades of Grey thing, I guess." Tylers mouth opens slightly, he's still looking at Josh, not moving, not saying anything. Josh avoids looking at Tyler. He's uncomfortable, thinking to himself he should just have kept his mouth shut. Eventually Tyler turns his head to the screen and leans back, while pressing the buttons on the controller. There's a long silence between them until Tyler crashes Toads kart in the snow. "So she has sex with people for money?" There's disapproval in Tylers voice. "No. I don't think she has sex with them. She just...does things to them." Josh has come to terms with the fact that Tyler is not gonna let this go. "Oh." Tyler nods, "Should we tell Mark?" He asks. Josh sits up straight and furiously shakes his head. "No! WE don't tell anyone, Tyler! Promise me, okay?" He says. Tyler shrugs, not really impressed by Josh's concern. "Okay, fine." 


	3. Chapter Three

You're trying not to cave underneath Tylers weight as he's leaning on you, drunk out of his mind. This is the first time ever that you've seen Tyler drunk and it's been quite entertaining so far. But escorting him to his hotel room seemed like a good idea though. Tyler keeps pointing at everything he sees on the way to his room and slurring the nouns as he passes. "Rrreallly bad...paaaainting..nngg.." He says, pointing at a painting on the wall and giggles, resting his head against yours. You can't help but giggle along with him, it's just so funny. You've had a few drinks yourself, but you're far from drunk. Still somehow you seem intoxicated as you snort a little bit at the end of your giggle. You feel a sense of relief when you finally reach the door to his room. You open it, push Tyler in in front of you and watch him stumble towards the bed.

"Tyler, this is seriously bad, dude. I mean, you're gonna be so hungover tomorrow." You say, trying not to laugh. He turns around and looks at you, grinning. "I've been baaaad." He says, "May...maybe...you shhhould punishhh me...ha!" He throws his head back with that last word and then locks eyes with you again. The expression on his face is serious. You squint your eyes. What is he talking about? Tyler shakes his head, twitching. "Sssorry...I don't know..." He mumbles. "You don't know?" You cross your arms, determined to figure out what he meant by that. Tyler drops himself onto the bed, sitting down and trying to take off his shoes. He tries to untie the laces on his left shoe first, but fails and moves on to his right shoe. You sigh, uncross your arms and walk over to him. You watch him struggle for a few more seconds, thinking to yourself how endearing he looks, before you kneel down in front of him. You help him untie his laces and take off his shoes. "Thanks." He mumbles again. You sit up and place your hands on his cheeks. "Tyler? Sweetie? What is it you don't know? Huh?" You ask, in a calm, motherly voice. His eyes are looking in every direction but yours. Then he shuts them and breathes out. The sweet smell of liquor fills the air between you two. "Jjjosshh told mme..." He slurs out the words. You nod, smiling, "Yeah. Of course he did."

The next day Tyler is quiet. He doesn't take off his sunglasses and he keeps chugging Red Bull like it's water. You have been busy all day experimenting with the new camera you've bought. Being on tour and seeing all these new places, made you remember that you used to love photography. For some reason you lacked the time, closed the doors to your dark room and never opened them again. But yesterday you went out and passed a window showing all these cameras. You decided you needed something to do on this tour and something to remember this time in your life. For some reason travelling with these guys is not at all as bad as you thought it would be. You've never felt more at home.

That's why it was so hard for you to be honest with Mark the other night. He kept waiting for an answer and you knew you couldn't give him one that wouldn't hurt him. He's a clever guy, you couldn't lie to him, that wouldn't have been fair. "The thing is...you're not really my type. Don't get me wrong, you're a terrific guy and I really like you. But I'm just...not feeling it." He looked at you, not surprised at your answer, but surprised at your honesty. He smiled at you and you smiled back at him. He didn't rescent you for it, in fact he seemed to respect you even more.

"Snap!" You scream, laughing like a maniac while Ben just stands there and grins at you. He's carrying all this equipment around, his cheeks are flushed red so obviously this is the best time to have his picture taken. You run over to him, showing him the picture and he raises his eyebrows. "Could be worse. You're quite the artist, Y/N" He says and carries on with his setup. You smile, holding the camera close to your chest and feeling quite impressed with yourself. Josh is sitting behind his drums on stage, staring at Tyler who's softly letting his fingers glide over the strings of his ukelele. Your eyes lock with Josh's and he shrugs at you. Tonight is not gonna go down well.

After the show, you sit in your hotel room, watching a re-run of Friends while texting your foster mom to let her know you're still alive.

You're surprised at the amount of energy Tyler projected on stage. He almost looked like his usual self. How does he do that? You keep wondering until you hear a knock on your door. It's Josh. "Hey, sorry to bother you." He seems tired, "Do you by any chance have some Aspirin? Tyler has a major headache, and I seem to be all out." You bite your lip. "So, he's human after all." You say, leaving Josh ponder at your words. You grab your bag and start searching. But then your hand comes across something you forgot you even packed. You grin at Josh. "You know what? I have something better than Aspirin."

 


	4. Chapter Four

You hold a small cigar case in your hand. Josh looks at you and his eyes widen. "No way!" He whispers, "You brought weed?"

A big smile forms on his lips and you nod to confirm, "Yep. You want in?" Josh thinks about it for a few seconds, then shakes his head in regret. "Nah. I think I'd better go to sleep actually. I'm really tired and kinda sore for some reason." You point your finger at him and say, "I told you to eat more bananas. Magnesium, dude." He chuckles at your comment, sticks out his tongue and turns around to walk away. "Urgh...that's disgusting!" He yells before he disappears around the corner.

Tyler is wearing black sweatpants and a grey shirt. He's laying on his back, arms above his head with his fingers entangled in his hair. You lay beside him on the bed, on your stomach, leaning on your elbows. You take a drag and inhale, before passing the joint on to him. He takes it between his thumb and indexfinger, staring at it for a while before putting it to his lips. "Are you feeling better?" You ask, looking at him as the smoke escapes his mouth. "I feel..." He looks straight at you, "...really good." You both burst out in laughter.

A comfortable silence follows. You've rarely felt this relaxed around Tyler before. Being around him always brought on a tension inside of you. As if your body was trying to say: "Beware. Be very aware." Right now all of that seems to have vanished. You look at him. He's so perfect. Everything about him makes you wonder. Nobody has ever had that effect on you. Nobody has ever intrigued you more than Tyler does when he gazes in the distance, looking for an invisible force to tell him he's still here.

He passes the joint back to you and your eyes lock. He bites his lips, but keeps his eyes focused on you. You smile, you know what he's thinking about. You take another drag. "So, what exactly did Josh say about me?" You ask, slightly amused. Tyler smiles relaxed. "Oh, you know...just that you, uhm, you're into some kinky stuff." You raise your eyebrows, "Kinky stuff?" Tyler looks at his hands, "Yeah, I dunno, what's it called? Uhm, Fifty Shades of Grey, right?" You chuckle and cover your eyes with your hand, "Fifty...hahaha...no, that's not even remotely close." 

Tyler frowns and looks at you curiously, "No? So what...is it then?" He asks. You sigh, passing the joint back to Tyler. You don't mind the fact that Josh told him. You're not ashamed of it, it's part of who you are and you can't understand that some people judge you for it. But right now, with Tyler, you are a little bit afraid. Your eyes wander over the tattoos on his arm. He's deeply religious and you have no idea how he will react. He'll probably think it's a sin and secretly judge you for it. You've never cared before, so why is this different? You shake it off, thinking here goes nothing.

"Well, some guys like some whipping and nipple clamps. But honestly, that's how far I'll go. It's not about pain, it's about control. For me, it's all about edging, you know?" You're surprised at the confidence in your voice. Tyler looks confused but doesn't really say anything. You lean closer to him. "Do you know what edging is, Tyler?" You ask, feeling a little bit playfull at this point. He breathes out, "No...I don't." He replies, looking way too interested. You pick up on that easily and decide to tease him a little. You lean in further, your face is only inches away from his. You gently put your hand on his chest, "Well...it's when I jerk you off and right before you come, I stop." Tylers eyes widen, "Oh. Well, that just sounds mean." You smile, "Yeah, it is." Your hand slowly travels down his shirt towards his tummy. "And when you can't hold it back, when you come without my permition, I will not help you at all. You will come hands-free. And believe me, you don't want that." You're almost whispering right now, staring in Tylers wide open eyes while you keep talking. "Oh..." He gasps and swallows. You can tell he's excited and talking about this actually makes you horny as hell. "And then...when you're done cumming, I will put my hand back and just keep going. I will keep going and going until you can't take it anymore, and you'll beg me to let you come." Tyler is breathing heavily.

You carefully slide you hand underneath his shirt. "Does that turn you on, Tyler?" You ask, assuming your role without questioning the consequences of this whole thing. When you edge guys, you become this other person. She's stronger, bolder and more confident than you. She's in control of the situation at all times. You like being her. You need to be her. You need it. And right now you need Tyler, tied to the bed, squirming under the touch of your hands. 


	5. Chapter Five

You bite your lips and let your fingers explore Tylers skin underneath his shirt. He's so warm and soft. Tyler doesn't respond to your question, but you can feel his body tense and he's doing nothing to stop you from touching him. He seems to like what you're doing. You aren't thinking straight anymore. You can feel hormones flow through your body and nothing makes you feel more confident and in control than this feeling.

Tyler places his hand in the back of your neck and pulls your face close to his. In one swift movement he lifts his head and presses his lips against yours. He kisses you hard and long. You're taken by surprise, but you can't pull away. His hand keeps you there. Your fingers glide slowly accross his chest and nipples. He shivers slightly, breathing heavily through his nose and then he pulls away from the kiss. You look him in the eyes. You're confused, kissing isn't something you do very often. Have you allowed yourself to get too close?

Your mind stops when your eyes rest on Tylers wet swollen lips, his mouth slightly open. He's waiting for you. You lean in and kiss him again. This time the kiss starts out soft. You explore eachothers lips, sucking and biting. Then he gently lets his tongue slide accross your bottom lip. You let him in and you can feel the intensity grow with every second. This kind of passion is new, but it's exciting. His nose softly touches yours as his tongue is working circles around your tongue, twisting and twirling. His warmth is overwhelming. In this moment you feel everything. You feel desire, passion, control, but most surprising you feel connected. 

Your hand travels further down his body. He's still kissing you when you reach his sweatpants. He pushes his hips up and you slowly let your hand slide over his hard member through his pants. Up and down, slowly, making him moan softly inside his mouth. You smile and open your eyes to look at him. "Do you want me to help you out with that?" You ask, still smiling. Tyler smiles back at you,"Why? So you can stop right before I come?" His voice is soft and hoarse. But his hips keep moving, pressing his erection against your hand. You chuckle, "Oh sweetie, you wouldn't last one minute." Tyler huffs and bites his lip. You know he wants it and you also know that he's not ready for your tricks. He keeps rubbing, speeding up the tempo until you pull your hand away. You move to a more comfortable position, laying on your side next to him, leaning on your elbow, your head supported by your right hand. You untie the cord of his sweatpants with your left hand. You take your time, making Tyler twitch impatiently. You smile at his restlessness, but decide to be nice to him tonight. He's had a a rough enough day as it is.

Tyler closes his eyes as your hand goes down his briefs. You work the fabric so that you have freedom to move. He gasps when you grab his hard throbbing cock in your hand. You start with slow but steady motions. You avoid the tip but feel pre-cum dripping on your fingers already. Tyler whines a little bit and starts bucking his hips, wanting you to go faster. You give in to him and speed up, rubbing him just the way he wants it. He moans and you know this won't take long. You start twisting your hand everytime you move. Tyler moans louder, pushing his head back into the pillow. You look at his face as he comes. The sounds he makes are so sexy, you feel butterflies twirl around in your tummy. You keep rubbing slowly until he's all the way done.

His cheeks are flushed red and his breath is shaky. You remove your hand, covered in his cum. Tyler opens his eyes and stares at the ceiling for a while. Once he's calmed down he looks at you. The wet spot in his pants doesn't seem to bother him as he pushes himself up towards you. He puts his hands on your cheeks and starts placing kisses on your lips, your nose and cheeks. You smile, "Hehe, Tyler..." He doesn't stop just yet. You push him away gently. He looks at you, still holding your face in his hands, "Wow, that was...wow..." He says, smiling. You nod, smiling back at him, "Uhm, you should clean yourself up." You say and he looks down at his pants. "Oh yeah...right." 

You sit on the bed with your legs crossed and light another joint. Tyler walks out of the bathroom, wearing nothing but a pair of clean briefs. He sits down in front of you, mimicking your position. You smile at eachother. The comfortable silence returns as you smoke together. "So...that was, uhm, nice." Tyler says, breaking the silence. You take a drag and inhale. "Yeah? You liked it?" He nods affirmatively causing you to giggle. "Good. Glad I could help." You say, blowing out smoke. He looks at you, his expression is serious now, "I don't know about the other thing though. I mean, I don't know if I can do it." He says, playing with his fingers. You pass him the joint. "Do you wanna find out?" You ask. He takes a drag and shakes his head softly, "Maybe..." You bring your knees up to your chest and rests your arms around them. "You're tired, aren't you?" You ask in a soft voice. Tyler nods. "You should get some sleep."


	6. Chapter Six

The next day you wake up with a clear mind. It takes less than a second for you to realize what went down last night. Tyler kissed you. And you kissed him back.  
In fact, you went further than that, you went to a very intimate place with him. That is not how you treat your clients at all. And even though Tyler wasn't your client, he couldn't possibly be anything else to you. You didn't sign up for a relationship of any sort. You don't need that in your life.

Your mind keeps spinning and you try to think out every possible scenario of what your little adventure could lead to. You imagine walking into the breakfast room and seeing Tyler. He smiles at you, while whispering "Goodmorning, princess" in your ear. Then he kisses you gently on the lips and seals the deal. You feel your throat tighten at the idea. You can not let that happen. You're not ready for that in any way. Josh knows that. You can ask him to talk to Tyler. Just ask Josh to explain it to him, he would understand.

Eventually you find the courage to get out of the bed, get dressed and go downstairs. The breakfast area is empty, except for an older couple drinking their coffee. You pout your lips in disappointment. Some part of you hoped to find Tyler here. Some part of you must be completely insane. You take some breadrolls and some eggs, with a large cup of coffee and sit down to eat. Your mind never stops and you know for sure this day is gonna take it out of you.

The guys have been doing interviews and dropping by radiostations all day. You didn't feel like going outside, the weather isn't that great, so you stayed in and watched some Netflix. Watching tv always turns off your thoughts. It helps you to get through this day of uncertainty. You fall asleep and miss dinner. When you wake up your stomach is growling and there's a continious knocking on your door. You check the time and realize that the guys must be back by now. Dressed in grey sweatpants and a black tanktop, your hair tied up in a messy bun, you walk to the door. You rub your eyes, still half asleep and when your vision clears up you stare right into Tylers big brown eyes.

"Hey. Did I wake you?" He asks, startled by your sleepy appearance. You tilt your head, "Kinda...but it doesn't matter. What's up?" You act as casual as possible, which isn't difficult since you're still hazy. Tyler puts his hands in his pockets. He's wearing a black baseball cap and his Keith Haring sweater. He stares at the floor for a while. Just looking at him makes you forget that you're hungry. It fills your stomach with butterflies instead and suddenly fear grabs you by the throat. The haze has gone, you're fully awake now. Tyler lifts his head and scrapes his throat. "You know that thing you've talked about last night. I want you to do it to me." He says, radiating way more courage than he has. He bites his lips and looks away almost instantly. Your jaw drops and for a moment your brain shortcircuits.

But then it hits you. This is the best possible outcome. You can play with Tyler all you want, but you can keep him at a distance at the same time. You feel the fear slowly drifting away. Your body relaxes, knowing very well that this is your comfort zone. Nothing makes you feel more content than staying there. And since Tyler is stepping into your world, you are the one leading and not the other way around. You smile and open the door for him to come inside.

You cross your arms and stay a few feet behind him. Tyler is awkwardly standing at the foot of the bed. You've closed the door and watch him as you start to think. Why would he want this? He's not a very sub-like personality. In fact, he's always very much in control of everything. I mean, he's not very experienced, that's obvious, but to be controlled by someone else like this? That's not really like him. "Why?" You simply ask and keep staring at him.

Tyler shrugs, "Why not?" He says, almost sarcastically. You bite your lip, "I can think of dozens of reasons, but mainly because this is pretty out of character." You take a step to the side and lean against the dresser. Tyler just shrugs again. You squint your eyes and decide on a new tactic. "And what about your God? Does He allow any of this, you think?" Tyler looks up at you, fire in his eyes. He looks a little bit aggrivated and replies "He doesn't seem to care about anything else that I do. And honestly, I probably couldn't mess up worse than I already did." He stops for a few seconds, looks away and then continues, "What does it matter to you anyway? You were the one suggesting it, so now you're gonna give me a hard time?" The aggrivation builds up in his voice.

You know he's right. You want this to happen, so why are you interrogating him like this? You smile to ease the tension. "You think I'm giving you a hard time right now? Oh, you're in for a surprise, believe me." You answer him, playfully. Tyler inhales sharply, but then smiles back at you, shaking his head. He takes off his baseball cap and looks around the room. "So...how does this work?"

 


	7. Chapter Seven

She's taking over. Your alter-ego, your better version of you. She's right here and you feel her taking control over every fiber in your body.

"You need to trust me." Your voice is soft and caring. "I will be in control the whole time, so therefore it's very important that you trust me. If you feel uncomfortable, or you feel like you need to stop, for any reason whatsoever, you just tell me. You say: I want out. And I will stop immediately, do you understand?" You look at Tyler. He's noticed the change in you, but he seems to accept it as he nods to confirm. "Tell me you understand, Tyler." You say, demanding to hear it from him. He opens his mouth, breathes in and says, "I understand."

He walks towards you and grabs your face in his hands, wanting to kiss you. But you push him away. He looks confused. You shake your head at him. "This doesn't involve kissing. Got that?" You say, a bit harshly. Tyler nods again, "Ok, no kissing, got it." He mumbles.

"Good. Now take off your clothes." You command, crossing your arms again. He looks at you, clearly taken by surprise. He hesitates for a few seconds and then starts to undress. You watch him until he's stripped down to his underwear and then you walk towards the closet in your room. "All the way, Tyler." You say without looking. You've packed some items from your collection of toys, just in case you'd meet up with someone. Who could have guessed it would have been Tyler? You take out the leather restraints from your bag and hold them in your hands for a while before turning around to face Tyler.

He's still standing at the footend of the bed, completely naked. He's looking down at the floor, while carefully covering his private parts with his hands. You can't help but find him utterly endearing this way and your heart skips a beat. You take a deep breath and tell him to lay down on the bed. He walks to the other side of the bed and climbs in, on top of the sheets. "On your back." You say and as soon as he does that, you take his right wrist and tie it to the bed, without saying a word. You walk around to the other side of the bed and repeat your action. You know the restraints aren't too tight, you've done this a million times before. But this is Tylers first time and you want to make him feel as comfortable as possible. "Is that okay? Not too tight?" You ask, in a soothing voice. Tyler has his eyes closed, like he's trying to calm down inside his head. "No, it's okay." He whispers.

You notice his anxiety immediately and after you grab the lube from your bag, you sit down next to him on the bed. "Tyler, it's allright. I know this seems really scary, but I'm not gonna hurt you. And remember what we've talked about? If you want to stop, we'll stop. It's not a problem." He still has his eyes closed but nods with every word you say. You place your hand under his chin, "Tyler, look at me." He opens his eyes, his breath shaky, and he looks at you. "It's NOT a problem. You don't have to proof anything to anyone. It's just you and me. Okay?" Tyler seems to relax a little bit. "Yeah, okay." His voice is hoarse but he sounds confident somehow.

You take the lube and pour it on your hands, gently placing them on his chest and rubbing down to his stomach. Tyler is semi-hard already, which makes it easier for you to start. You rub the lube all over his pubes and down his balls. He twitches underneath your touch, but you disregard it as you continue. Softly stroking his now hard member, with two hands, making sure he's all slippery. Tyler lets out a small moan and closes his eyes again. You look at his face, taking one hand away and leaving the other to slowly move up and down his cock. His perfectly shaped jaw and neckline, his cute little nose, his dark eyebrows...you can't seem to grasp the beauty of it. You rub him slowly up and down, feeling the tension in his stomach grow.

The muscles in his chest and stomach are moving with every breath as you speed up the tempo. "Tell me when you're close." You say in a soft but firm voice. You can feel him already getting there. Tyler bites his lips, not willing to give in that easily but he has to. "I'm close..." He says, huffing. You stop moving instantly, giving him a few seconds to recover. Then you continue while watching his face. You've noticed that Tyler has a tell when he's close. He will moan and groan all you want, but when he comes, he first bites his lips, then lifts his eyebrows and then his mouth opens slightly. It's almost as if he wants to breathe out but he can't.

Your hand carresses his chest and tummy. You're turned on by every inch of his body, tied to this bed, lubed up and controlled by your hands. Tyler pulls the restraints and groans loudly. "Uhh, wooooh, stop...close..." Once again you stop and pull your hand back. You take more lube and continue twisting his cock in your hand. Sweat is beginning to drip from his forehead as he edges for the third time.

You keep going for a fourth time and you notice that he's no longer in control now. His moans are getting longer and louder, he keeps pulling the restraints and you almost consider restraining his legs as well by the way he twitches. "Still, boy. Lay still." You command him and before you can even concentrate on his face again, he gasps, letting himself go to far this time. "Cloooose..." He whines, but it's too late. You stop and remove your hand, as cum comes dripping out of his cock.

Tyler groans a little bit, but doesn't make another sound while he decompresses. You look at him, his eyes almost empty. "Did I tell you that it was okay for you to come?" You ask, cool and composed. "No..." Tyler whines, but you know better than to feel sorry for him. "That's right, I did not." You say and you put your hand back on his overly sensitive cock. He hisses and moans, but you just keep going. "Now you'll feel the consequences of not listening to me, boy."


	8. Chapter Eight

Tyler is squirming in all directions to get some relief. You don't pay attention to him and continue jerking him off. You spread out his cum all over his chest and stomach, using your other hand. He's covered in sweat, lube and cum and you bite your lip, thinking he couldn't look any hotter than he does right now. "Ooooooh...uuuuh...stop...huuuuuh..." His whimpers have become uncontrollable and you expect him to tell you he wants out any minute now. But he doesn't. Instead he seems to relax a little bit, his body stops twitching as he gets it together. You're surprised he's still hard. You honestly didn't expect him to last as long as he has already. You reward him by giving him another few seconds while you grab more lube. You start slowing down your movements, softly preparing him for another built up. Tyler whines quietly.

After edging him for the eight time, he's a total mess. His breathing is out of control and he trembles at every touch of your hand. You know he's had enough, but he's just so much fun to play with. You palm the tip of his cock and rub him fast but without using a lot of pressure. Tyler moans in agony, "Pleeeeeaaaaaase...ooooooh, pleeeaaase..." You don't respond but give him a second every now and then. Even though you know he deserves to come at this point, you don't want it to end. "Pleeeaaase...please, let me come..." He whispers and stares directly at you. You sigh and cover his eyes with your free hand. Why didn't you use a blindfold on him? You always use a blindfold or a mask of some sort. You shake your head, this is a rookie mistake. His puppy eyes almost made you cave just now. He groans, "Please...uuuuuuuh...please..." You remove your hand again and Tyler breathes out, trying to control some of the tension.

You place your hand back and start jerking and twisting hard and fast. This will make him come for sure. You know that from experience and it's a trick that works on almost every guy. You take your other hand away from his eyes. You want to watch his face when he comes. His beautiful, sweaty, flushed face.

Tyler whines out in pleasure as his orgasm builds up. "Oooooh yeah....ooooh, close...close, close..." He repeats. He sounds almost surprised when your hand doesn't move away and you help him finish. His eyes closed tightly, his mouth open, he's almost screaming while cum is squirting from his wet cock. You feel it leaking all over your hand as you keep rubbing slowly until the last bit of it has been milked out of him. Tyler is breathing heavily and since he's still learning, you decide to be nice. "What do we say now?" You lean over him and take his chin in your wet hand. He looks at you, eyes tired and empty, but most of all confused. "Say thank you, ma'am." You command him and rub some his own cum over his cheeks. He huffs, "Thank you, ma'am. Thank you..."

You nod in approval and then disappear into the bathroom to wash your hands. When you return, you remove the leather restraints carefully. Tyler puts his arms by his sides, but continues laying still on his back. You give him a minute, he probably needs to recover a little bit. You're turned away from the bed, putting away the lube and restraints, when you hear Tyler getting up as he walks passed you into the bathroom. You hear him turn on the shower.

When Tyler returns from the bathroom, his hair is wet and he's wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. You sit in the bed, leaning against the wall and checking your phone. But you look at him as he crawls in next to you underneath the sheets. "Are you allright?" You ask, somewhat concerned with his silence. He turns on his side, facing you, "Yeah, I'm allright." He says, almost whispering. You can't seem to read him right now. The light in the room is faint and he just looks so tired. You haven't got the heart to tell him to go to his own room, even though you'd rather sleep alone.


	9. Chapter Nine

Over the next few weeks, Tyler has spend time with you more than he should have. Every chance he gets, every free moment, you know you can expect him to come knocking. 

It's not always so easy. When you're on the tourbus and the bunks are all you have, you've had to improvise and even gag him so nobody would hear him scream. The masks he wears on stage came in handy as well. Since that first time, you've reminded yourself to cover his eyes so you wouldn't have to make contact with him. Tyler hasn't tried to kiss you once. He's adapted very quickly to the sub role he's playing and the correct words he should use, like "yes, ma'am" and "thank you, ma'am". 

But even though being edged takes it out of him, as it does with every guy, something else seems to run through his mind afterwards. It happens everytime, you've noticed. He never smiles or shows any emotion at all, his eyes go blank and he's unusually quiet. You've asked him several times if he's okay and the answer is always the same. He's okay. He's allright. You know he's lying but it's probably none of your business and besides, you're afraid to even ask. You've seen the darkness in his eyes, you've been there yourself and you are not keen on returning there any time soon. It's better to keep him at this distance, where you can gaze at his beautiful face and body. Where you can make him come, because he loves the touch of your hands. You like that he grants you access to that part of his being. But you know better than to feed your curiousity and look for access to his mind as well.

You sit in Josh's dressing room, holding an old guitar you found somewhere in the corner. You used to play when Josh started drumming, just to accompany him. And you're amazed that you still know all the chords to Green Day's "Time of your life". You sing along quietly, almost humming the words, while you play the strings. Josh sits down next to you, sipping his Red Bull and you pauze for a second. Josh scrapes his throat, "So...you and Tyler, huh?" He asks. You don't look up from the guitar, and casually reply, "Me and Tyler, what?" He chuckles and puts his can down on the side table. "You've been spending a lot of time together, right? Something's going on, that's for sure." He says, obviously proud of his detective skills. You turn towards him, "Josh...please." You roll your eyes and continue slamming the strings. "Okay, you don't need to tell me. But if you ask me, I can't think of anyone more deserving of you than Tyler." He smiles at you. You feel uncomfortable, but you try not let it show. 

You want to tell Josh. You used to tell Josh everything, but this is about Tyler and you know you can't break his trust like that. Josh might even look at Tyler all different, this might really become a bigger deal than it should be. So you say nothing. "I know how hard it has been for you. And I just want you to know, I'm proud of you. I'm happy that you finally found the courage to let someone in." Josh his words twirl around in your head and all you can do is think: "You don't know the half of it." He continues without even waiting for a response, "If anything, and you probably know this, Tyler has been through a lot of stuff as well. Not like you, I mean...but yeah, he will be able to understand, probably even more than I do." Josh bites his lip. He turns to face you and sees the distress in your eyes. 

You can no longer hide the fact that you're about to have a panic attack. You're not ready to share any of it. You've fought so hard to get here, to become a stronger person. You can't just put down you weapons and let someone else take over. In that moment, when Josh grabs your hand and asks you if you're allright, you realize that Tyler will never be just another client to you. All the things that Josh said, you want them to be true. But you know that it will never happen.


	10. Chapter Ten

You sit down in front of Tyler. He's tied to a chair, arms bound by leather straps to the back of the chair. His naked, tanned body is right there at your disposal. But you can't seem to focus.

Tyler looks at you through the holes of his black ski mask. You lean forward and fold the mask up over his nose, so the fabric covers his eyes and he can breathe freely. He licks his lips, waiting for your first touch. And you find yourself waiting as well, as you keep your fingers tucked into the fabric of his mask. Soft light fills the room and it takes you a few seconds to remember that it's not even noon yet. The curtains are closed carefully so that no daylight can get through.

You finally slide your hands down his cheeks, chin, neck and chest. Very slowly and tender, as if you're touching porcelain. Tyler has made it clear that he doesn't mind you being rough on him, but you'd rather not. You like to tease him, but with gentle touches. Tyler likes both, it seems, but either way he needs to be challenged somehow. You have been thinking to yourself how you should proceed after all of this won't be enough for him anymore. You know the day will come when he wants more.

And as you are lovingly sliding your fingertips across his torso, you realise you might want the same thing from him. Josh his words, the other day, are still lingering in your head. The past few weeks you've been playing this game with Tyler and it's wearing you out. You find that strange, because it never does. On the contrary, it always empowers you and you feel so much more alive. It's not even the frequency, because you're used to seeing clients practically every evening after work. But Tyler isn't just a client, that has become abundantly clear to you. You need him in some way and for now his presence seems to be enough. But what if you need more? What if you let him in and he sees who you really are? He would run so fast, without ever looking back.

Why did Josh claim that Tyler would understand? Josh has been such a good and loyal friend to you, but he doesn't understand either. Nobody really does. Josh wasn't there right after it happened. He didn't know you back then and he wouldn't have understood back then. Some people thought that they knew what to say, but nobody ever got through to you. You climbed out of that dark hole all by yourself and through the nurturing, unbiassed surroundings that your foster family provided for you.

You take a deep breath and turn to grab the bottle of lube from your bag. Suddenly you hear Tyler say, "You don't have to...if you don't want to..." There's some hesitation in his voice, but then he continues with more force, "It's okay, you know. If you're not in the mood, you can just tell me. I don't mind." You stop and stare at him. Blindfolded, tied to a chair and naked. All these things should turn you on more than anything else, and they do, but your mind keeps pondering and it's just so hard to concentrate. 

"Uhm...I'm sorry, I just...I just can't seem to focus..." You answer, apologetic and bite your lip. You put down the bottle of lube. "It's okay (Y/N), it really is. I mean...it's not like I'm paying you to do this." Tyler says and he chuckles. You wonder why that seems funny to him, but you quickly discard it as part of this awkward situation. You lean forward and take of his mask. "I'm sorry..." You repeat while looking straight into his eyes. Tyler smiles at you and he shakes his head. "Don't worry about it, please." He says quietly. You smile uncomfortably back at him and quickly untie him. This whole situation is kind of weird, you've never had to stop before you even began and now you have no idea how to handle it. You have never felt more out of control than right now. Dammit, why did you give him that power? You should have just gone through with it, even if you couldn't really put your mind to it.

Tyler stands up and walks over to the bed where he put his clothes. He grabs his boxershorts and puts them on. He then removes the rest of his clothes from the bed. You put the leather restraints and the bottle of lube in your bag and glance over at him. He sits on the neatly folded sheets, studying the flower pattern on the bedspread. You're curious as to what he's thinking. You scrape your throat, hoping it will make the silence go away, but it doesn't. Tyler hasn't said a word, even though he seemed to be so calm and soothing when he was telling you 'not to worry about it' just now.

You wonder if you should just get up and leave, or say something first and then leave. Right when you feel like the whole room is gonna collapse on top of you, there's a knock on the door.


	11. Chapter Eleven

Tyler doesn't look up at first. You hold your breath, hearing another knock on the door and you stare at Tyler, waiting for him to respond. He does eventually, with a tired look in his eyes, "Yeah?" 

"Hey...uhm...guys? Can I come in?" You recognize Josh his voice through the door and you're somewhat relieved to hear him. Tyler gets up from the bed and reaches for his pants. "Uh...yeah, just a second." Tyler says and you can't help but keep staring at him. He puts on his pants and walks towards the door to open it. He never looks at you while he does. You start to wonder if maybe he's angry or annoyed with you, but the thought disappears when you see Josh smiling. 

"Hey, haha! Well, you're both here...good, good." Josh is chuckling and he looks at you with wide open eyes. You give him a sad smile, but he doesn't really notice the tension in the room as he walks in. Tyler closes the door behind him. "Are you guys hungry? I found the perfect burger joint downtown. I thought maybe we could check it out?" Josh is clearly in a good mood. Tyler slowly walks to the curtains and opens them. The clear daylight almost blinds you. When Tyler turns around to face Josh, a big smile lights up his face. 

"That's a great idea! I'm hungry, I could go for a burger right now, sure!" Tyler sounds excited. You can't get your mind around the sudden change in his mood. You frown as both boys are looking at you. Josh nods, "Are you coming with us?" You shrug, "Yeah, why not?" 

Josh rented a car that Tyler insists on driving. When you arrive at the burger restaurant, it's packed with people. But Josh manages to find a table for the three of you. You sit down, next to Tyler, accross from Josh and you eat your burger in silence. Tyler and Josh are talking and joking around for a while, but then they both take out their phones and pay no more attention to their surroundings. When you've finished eating, you feel a little bit revived. You didn't realize you were this hungry, and maybe it was the reason why you felt so moody. You sigh and look out the window at cars passing by. 

"Ok guys, the weather seems really great. You wanna just take a walk and see what's out there?" You've never been in Chicago before and it seems like an interesting city. Josh is the first one to break out of his hypnosis and puts his phone away. "Yeah, sure. Let's see Chicago!" He smiles. Tyler follows his lead and after putting his phone in his pocket, he turns to look at you for the first time since you took off his mask earlier today. Your heart skips a beat because of this sudden contact. He puts his hand on your thigh and smiles, "I know the perfect spot!" 

"Wow, you were right. This is really amazing!" There's a sparkle in Josh his eyes as he gazes at the impressive fountain in front of you. Tyler nods in approval and grabs your hand. You're startled at his touch, but you have no time to think it through as he pulls you with him and runs towards the water. "Let's take a dive!" He screams and grabs you from behind in an attempt to throw you into the fountain. You screech and kick your legs, laughing. Meanwhile Josh takes out his phone and starts making pictures. Tyler finally puts you down on the edge of the fountain and looks up at you. You're still giggling like a little schoolgirl, feeling your cheeks flush red. He's still holding your hand and he looks at you with complete devotion. As if in this moment or any moment to come, he would never let go of your hand.


	12. Chapter Twelve

It's almost midnight when you find yourself in Tylers room again, laying on the bed in between Josh and Tyler. The entire day was a blast, seeing the Buckingham fountain, wandering around the harbor and trying to eat ice cream while the sun was burning so hard it was melting in your hands. You're exhausted but relaxed and you're passing around a joint and talking about the new Black Keys album, your views on white sneakers and how Josh thinks the universe works. Tyler keeps laughing at Josh his idiotic answers to your very serious questions. So you decide it's time for a quick quiz.

"Okay, okay...if you would have to choose...out of all the current popartists...who would you say could be the third member in your band?" You raise your hands up above your chest while you speak. Just to make sure that the boys realize this is worth thinking about. Tyler sighs and squints his eyes, while he stares at the ceiling. Josh on the other hand bites his lip and comes up with an answer rather quickly. "Taylor Swift." He says, confident in his choice. Tyler laughs, "Ha!! What?" He asks and pushes himself up, leaning over you, to face Josh. "Taylor Swift? Why?" Tyler is shaking his head, still chuckling. Josh smiles, "Well...she's cute...dude...and cute chicks sell records, that's why." You giggle, imagining how it would look on stage if Taylor Swift was wearing a ski mask and jumping off of Tylers piano. Tyler raises his hand, "Josh...no. I don't think you've thought this through. You see, there are several obstacles in that scenario. The first one being, her name. Taylor. That just sounds way too much like Tyler. And we all know that's my name. So...since I was here first, she'll have to change her name. Into Angelica. Or Frida, or Cassandra, I dunno, whatever suits her best."

You look at Josh and he looks at you. You both try not to burst out in laughter as Tyler continues his speech. "The second prolb...problem...I'm sorry, my mouth forgot how to speak..." Tyler closes his eyes, smiling and shakes his head. "Anyway, the second thing is that she is a leadsinger. And I am a leadsinger. So what sort of value could she add to our band? I mean, sure, she plays the guitar, but we all know guitars are lame. We don't need a guitar, especially not a country sounding one. So tell me, Josh, have you considered what role she would play?" Tyler looks very serious now. Josh takes another drag and passes you the joint. He then scrapes his throat and sits up straight. "I'm glad you asked." Josh says, in a stern and somewhat ridiculous voice. "In fact, I have thought it through and her name would be Valerie. And since you're both leadsingers, you and Valerie could do duets. No need for background vocals anymore, just duets...all the time." 

Tyler stares at Josh, not a single shred of emotion on his face. "Valerie? That's what you're going with?" He shakes his head, "Pfffff, there's no way I'm doing duets with a girl named Valerie. She can do background vocals, but that's it. That's as far as I'm willing to go with this, Josh." Tyler points his finger at Josh. But Josh just shrugs, "Well, as long as I get to marry her, it's cool." He says and lays back down. You chuckle at his last remark. "Is that a requirement to be in your band? You have to get married to one of you guys?" You ask, laughing.

Josh responds faster than he should have, "Of course, that's the first and probably the only requirement." Tyler nods in agreement, "Yeah, I mean, being in a band is like being married. It's a commitment and we have to make sure that whoever joins is serious about it." You smile and ask, "So, why aren't you married to eachother then?" Tyler looks at you, dead serious, "Oh, but we are." Josh turns his head towards you and nods. "Yeah, of course we are. We're just not all up in your face about it. I mean, that would be kind of gay. And we're definitely not gay." 

"Haha, sure you're not...Joshler!" You say, laughing loudly. Josh giggles, but Tyler just ignores it and says, "Do you want to be in the band? Because you could be in our band, you know." You shrug and pass him the joint. "Sure, I want to be in your band." You respond, rather casually. Tyler nods once, "Hmm, if you marry me, you would totally be in the band."

"Hahahaha!" You burst out in laughter, rolling on your side with your head burried in Josh his arm. When you compose yourself, you look at Josh and whisper to him, "I'm so wasted." Josh looks back at you, his lips pinched together and he says, "You should answer him, you know..."


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Josh keeps staring at you. He nods slowly, as if he's giving you approval to open your mouth and speak. You frown at him, still smiling, "Answer what?" 

"I think Tyler just proposed to you." Josh nods again and glances at Tyler, who has repositioned himself next to you. His legs are crossed and he's carefully taking a drag before putting the joint down in the ashtray beside him. You giggle and shake your head. "Proposed? Ha...hahaha!! No way, he didn't!" You turn to Tyler, eyes wide open, "You didn't, right?" Tyler just sits, looking down smiling and playing with his fingers. Josh pushes himself up and leans on his elbow, "Yeah...he totally did!" He sounds way too excited.

Tyler shakes his head softly, while smiling, "Well...technically...no..." You jump up, facing Tyler in the same sitting position. The relaxed sensation you felt is jerked away by the blood rushing through your entire body. You feel a panic attack happening. The tingling sensation in your hands and fingers, the blood pumping though your veins, the pressure in your chest. But Tyler keeps smiling and says, "I mean, I didn't get down on one knee. Jeez, you know, I don't even have a ring!" He giggles, obviously joking. But all it does to you is trigger pure fear. You quickly turn to Josh for help, but he's chuckling, seemingly amused by all of this.

Tyler finally looks at you. His smile quickly fades and he looks puzzled. He seems to pick up on your anxiety. He doesn't say anything, but he keeps staring straight into your eyes. Josh is still giggling next to you and in this moment it's just you and Tyler, while the room around you disappears. Tyler leans forward and kisses you softly on the lips. He puts his hand on top of yours and rubs his thumb accross the back of your hand. It's a small gesture, but it's enough to take away the pressure in your chest.

Everything around you seems to go in slow motion. Is it the weed or the fact that you're caught in Tylers gaze, you don't know. But for some reason you lean in close to Tyler and kiss him back. You forgot how soft his lips are, since he kissed you almost a month ago. You close your eyes and wish you never had to stop kissing him this time. Tyler places his hand on the back of your head, pulling you in closer. With every second passing, the kiss becomes more and more intense. Your lips part and Tyler gently slides his tongue in your mouth. All you can hear is the sound of Tylers breath, heavy and deep. Josh has stopped giggling. You wrap your arms around Tylers neck and spread your legs to sit on his lap. 

The tingling sensation is different now and you feel it everywhere. But it feels good. It feels like nothing you have ever felt before. Tyler places his arm around your waist, still carressing the back of your head with his other hand and you give in to him completely. He pushes you down on your back. When you open your eyes for a small second, you see Josh getting up from the bed. He must have considered this his exit queu and he leaves the room quietly. Tyler is kissing your cheeks, your nose, your neck and then your lips lock again. His tongue is twirling faster now and his motions are getting more heated. You listen to his breath, it's no longer steady. He's excited and even though his touch is heavenly, you feel the pressure in your chest return. 

Tylers hands travel down your t-shirt, sloppy and rushed. And then he slides them underneath the fabric of your t-shirt. His skin touching yours is enough to send a major shock to your brain. Your eyes shoot open and you gasp, pushing him away with both your hands. You sit up and try to keep the tears from flooding. Tyler holds his hands up, in a defensive manner. "Sorry...I'm sorry, I didn't..." He stutters, but you're already out the door before he can finish his sentence.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

You hastly lock the door to your room. You're alone now, tears rolling down your cheeks. How did this happen? Why on earth did you let it get this far? You only have yourself to blame and you're mentally hitting yourself in the head. You should have kept your distance. It was so easy, so safe. You had it all planned out and now it's all ruined. You fell for him...you idiot!

It's so cold in your room. It's so cold without Tyler. You shiver at the memory of his skin against yours, still fresh in your mind. You wipe the tears away, but they keep streaming from your eyes. The cold isn't going away and you quickly take off your clothes and run into the bathroom. You ignore your reflection in the mirror as you turn on the shower. Mirrors are the reason you hate yourself. The hot water carresses your skin and you try to relax. You use the tiny soaps from the hotel, because you forgot to unpack your own, and scrub down as hard you can. Maybe you can scrub Tylers touch off your skin. Maybe you can wash everything away. But the showergel smells like the vanilla ice cream that Tyler spoonfed you earlier today and the sound of the water falling reminds you of the fountain. You sit down in the shower, your legs pulled up against your chest. You cry and cry, until you can't cry anymore. That's when your mind finally goes blank. It just stops. You feel so empty and alone, the darkness is lurking around the corner. But then you remember. You remember the first night you spend with Tyler. The first time he kissed you and the first time you've ever felt connected.

When Tyler knocks on your door, you open it, wearing nothing but a dark purple bathrobe. He obviously tried to sleep before coming here, his hair is all messy on one side. He doesn't say anything, but the look in his eyes is one of pure understanding. You gaze at him. His brown fluffy hair, his stubby beard and the plain black t-shirt that he's wearing over his boxers. But it's his eyes that tell you everything you need to hear. He takes a step towards you, carefully and not too sudden. He wants you to let him in. Let him in. He will care for you and he will love you nonetheless. 

You turn around and walk towards the bed, leaving your door open for Tyler to walk into the room. He does and shuts the door behind him. Your back is turned to him as you slowly untie your bathrobe and let it slide down, exposing your naked back. Your naked skin, scarred and marked for life. When the robe falls down to the floor, you wait a few seconds and close your eyes. You expect to hear Tyler walk out, but instead the room stays quiet. Tyler looks at you, not saying a word as he gazes upon the dark scars that cover you from your shoulderblades all the way down to your legs. You crawl underneath the sheets and finally look at him. But you're not scared anymore. You know that he will not leave the room. 

And he doesn't. Tylers face is relaxed. He doesn't smile or frown. He just looks at you, with those eyes piercing right through your soul. Then he walks over to the bed and gets in next to you. You stare into eachothers eyes for a while, not speaking, just connecting. What scared you so much, is right here, it's right in front of you and you've never felt safer. Tyler strokes your cheek gently and slowly lets his fingers travel towards your collarbone. You turn to lay on your back and sigh. You need to tell him. "The scars...they're all over my body." You whisper. Tyler doesn't respond, he just lets his fingers explore your breasts softly and runs them accross the scarred skin of your stomach. You inhale sharply and wait for him to be appalled. But it doesn't happen. Tyler whispers back at you, "You're so beautiful."


	15. Chapter Fifteen

You close your eyes and gasp, trying to hold back your tears, as Tylers hand continues to travel downwards. His warm breath against your shoulder makes your desire grow and your hips move slightly, as Tyler lets his hand slide down to your special place. He doesn't hesitate, but takes it slow, rubbing softly over your labia before sliding his finger in between them. All your emotions clash together by his touch alone. Your walls crumble down completely. Everything is rushing through from the other side. No more facades, no more hiding. It's way too much too handle, but the sensation of Tyler laying next to you makes you feel like you don't need to right now. So you allow yourself to get lost in this moment. 

Tyler kisses your shoulder and you open your eyes to look at him. Tears escape and roll down your cheeks. Tyler pushes himself up and leans on his elbow. He gently presses his lips on your cheek, kissing the tears away. He keeps touching you as he comforts you. You stop crying and kiss him on the lips. His warm mouth, his soft tongue and his taste is all you ever needed. He stops to take off his t-shirt and underwear, dropping them on the floor next to the bed. You wait for him to pick up where he left of, but he doesn't. Instead he dives underneath the sheets. His lips explore your neck and your breasts, licking and sucking your nipples. You let out a quiet moan. Tyler leaves a trail of soft kisses down your stomach until he reaches your tingling pussy. His tongue is soft and warm against your clit and he licks you with such care and precision, it's almost as if he's known you for years. You moan louder now and let your hand rest on his. He's holding on to your hips, squeezing them gently. His fingers intertwine with yours. He takes his time, slowly building up the tingling sensation in your belly. Then he presses one of his fingers down on your clit and plays with it. But his finger doesn't stay there. He places his lips and tongue back on that spot and slides his finger carefully inside of you. You gasp at the sensation, you didn't expect him to do that. But it feels so good. Tyler keeps licking and fingering you at the same time. He holds a steady tempo, not too slow and not too fast. Your cheeks are flushed red. You have to bite your lips not scream. Tyler just keeps going as your hips start to shake and your whole body trembles. You moan and your voice is hoarse, but you can't help yourself. 

Tylers tongue stops moving and he presses it hard against your clit, while you come. Your arms are now raised above your head, pushing against the bed. Tyler tries to keep your hips in place, but it's nearly impossible. He then removes his tongue from your spot and moves back up. His warm, naked body is hovering over yours. But your eyes are closed, your lips parted as you try to catch your breath. When you finally open your eyes, you see him smile. He gives you a peck on the lips. Then he softly lays down on top of you. Your bodies are pressed together. He rests his head on your shoulder and stays still like this for a while. You wrap your arms around him, carressing his back and neck. Your fingers twirl through his short brown hair. 

A deep sigh escapes your mouth. Tyler kisses your cheek and then pushes himself up again. He looks down at the spot where your hips touch and then looks at you. He doesn't speak, but looks for permission and you nod softly. Tyler moves his hips a few times and then enters you carefully. He whines very quietly as he does, but you recognise the tone of pleasure in his voice. He doesn't push deep yet, but with every move he makes, he fills you up more and more. You feel him inside of your stomach and you press your head back into your pillow. Tyler is the first to start moaning as he starts thrusting faster and harder. You can't hold back anymore and when you open your mouth a whining sound comes out. God, he feels so good inside of you. Tyler keeps moving and you run your hands over his chest, wanting to touch every inch of his body. He's so much in control now, but you don't care. You let him take you on this ride, and it's never felt so good.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

When you wake up the next morning, Tyler is still next you, sound asleep. You study his face, partially brightened by the morning sun peaking through the curtains. He looks like an angel, laying there. The expression on his face is so innocent and sweet. You want to reach out and touch him, but something is holding you back. A dark shadow is being cast on your thoughts as you start to wonder. Last night...was it even real?

You've opened up to him, but he never returned the favor. Tyler is still a complete mystery to you and that sudden thought brings on a fear that you haven't felt in a long time. He knows who you are and he can use that against you any time he likes. You've got nothing on him. You don't know him. What does he want from you anyway? Why did you let him get this close? You never asked for this and he got to you. He made you go this far, while you promised yourself that you wouldn't. You shouldn't have let him in. You shouldn't have shown yourself to him. But you did and now you can't take it back. Your mind keeps spinning and when you look back at Tyler, his face no longer resembles that of angel. He's just another stranger to you. Another person you can't trust.

Quickly and quietly you get out of the bed and run to the bathroom. You get dressed, brush your teeth and fix your hair, before leaving the room in a hurry. You have to get away from here. As far away as possible, from Tyler, from Josh, from the reality that sneaked up on you. You are not ready for this at all. You walk out of the hotel, down the street. The city is still waking up as you keep walking without any direction or any notion of where to go or even how to get back. But you can't stay there. You need to escape this nightmare. 

"Josh!" Tyler calls out, running up to Josh, who's sitting at the breakfast table. Josh takes a large bite out of his bagel and looks at Tyler, who seems very distressed. "Have you seen Y/N? She's...gone...she...I can't find her." Tyler is clearly freaking out. Josh frowns, swallows his food and shakes his head. "No, I haven't seen her. But she might still be asleep, in her room." Josh answers. Tyler shakes his head furiously, "Don't you think I've already checked? Josh, I've checked everywhere and I've tried to call her cell...but...something's wrong!" Tears fill up Tylers eyes as he's yelling at Josh. Josh gets up and throws his arms around Tyler. "Hey...hey, calm down, Tyler. Calm down, it'll be okay, we'll find her." He hushes at Tyler, in an effort to make his friend feel less anxious. But it's not working. Tyler pushes Josh away, tears roll down his face. "It's my fault. It's my...fault..." He says, sobbing. Josh is confused, but he knows this isn't the time to start asking questions. He just grabs Tyler by the arm and drags him away to a more private area. "Tyler, we're gonna find her, okay? I will keep calling her cell. You need to go the frontdesk and ask for a rental car." Josh is taking control of the situation. "But...we're leaving in an hour. We can't go..." Tyler sobs. Josh puts his hands on Tylers shoulders. "I don't care. We're not leaving without her."

Your phone keeps buzzing in your pocket, but you don't bother to look. You sip from your coffee and stare at the people making their way through the park. You've been sitting here for half an hour and the panic is slowly drifting away. At least you feel like you can breathe again. The fact that the world is still turning and everyone is still living their lifes, calms you in some way. It makes you confident that you will get through this again. But you need to be alone. You have always done this alone. You don't need anyone to hold your hand and you need to let Tyler know that it's over. All of it.

When you walk into the hotel lobby, Tyler is standing at the frontdesk. He's wearing a black beanie and a bright colorfull jacket. His eyes open wide when he sees you and he runs up to you immediately. He waves at the person behind the frontdesk, "It's okay, forget it..." He says and he wraps his arms around you, hugging you tight. You don't move, while Tyler whispers in your ear, "I'm so glad to see you. I thought you weren't coming back." When he lets go of you, a smile brightens up his face. You can't help but smile back at him. But the voice inside your head keeps telling you to stand your ground. "Tyler..." You start as Josh comes running into the lobby. "Y/N! Where the hell were you? We were so worried!" He screams. Tyler can't stop smiling, not knowing that you were about to break his heart.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

You sigh as Mark gets up and leaves to his bunk. The tourbus has been on the move for the entire day and you can feel the need for oxygen grow with every passing minute. Tyler has been quiet and you have been avoiding him ever since this morning. You waved away his concerns, telling him that you were just out for a stroll and you forgot your phone in your room. But now the evening is coming to an end and the moment of confrontation is near. You don't know what to do or what to tell Tyler when he asks you to come to bed with him.

Josh stretches his arms and yawns."Well...uhm, I'm gonna leave you kids to...uhm, hehe, okay..." Josh chuckles and gets up from the sitting area. He mumbles goodnight, leaving you and Tyler there. You stay silent as Tyler bites his lip and moves closer to you. The only sound is coming from the tv, but the tension is so present it almost drives you mad. Tyler seems to pick up on it and he doesn't approach you any further. You both sit there for a while, just breathing. Tyler is the first one to speak, "Look, I know you're scared...but..." You interrupt him, "It was a mistake." Tyler looks at you, his eyes are screaming disbelief. You press your lips together. "I'm sorry, Tyler. But this...I can't..." You say, your voice fading into a whisper. Tylers jaw drops, he must have not seen this coming. Unlike most times, he seems lost for words. You look at his beautiful face one more time, feeling sorry for everything that happened. Then your heart turns to stone and you kiss his cheek before leaving for bed. 

Tyler doesn't talk to you at all in the days that follow. He doesn't really smile anymore. He just looks tired and worn out. The darkness in his eyes is present more often than not. But you know that it has never left and so you're somewhat relieved you don't need to deal with it. You have your own demons to deal with. He knew that you weren't the kind of girl he would be able to call his girlfriend. He knew from the start and still he expected you to be. You tell yourself that you shouldn't feel sorry for him, because he should have known better. So you ignore Tyler, as he's wasting away and suffering right under your nose. It would be unbearable for anyone to see it happening up close, but you have learned to shut out your feelings and it works just fine.

You have found your strength again, convinced that you did the right thing. Making things so much easier on yourself. Josh has been awkward around both of you. He probably thinks that you broke up, while you weren't even in a relationship in the first place. Now he seems to be confused as to what side he should pick. So he stays clear from you and from Tyler. That is until Tyler sits down accross from him one morning. "Hey..." He sighs and then stops. Josh looks up from his bowl of cereal. He looks around, as if he's looking for a way out of this conversation. He puts the spoon down and watches Tyler poor milk in his bowl. Tyler puts the carton of milk back on the table and bites his lip. "She's not even talking to me anymore, Josh. I don't know..." Josh shakes his head, "Tyler, dude, I can't come between this. I mean, she's my best friend and so are you. I can't choose sides on this, I just can't." Josh says, pleading. Tyler stares at Josh, thinking of something to say. But he decides not to and starts to eat his cereal in silence.

That same evening you sit next to Mark on the couch. He's editing some videos and he figured it would be cool to make a short horrorclip for Halloween. You offered to help him out, so here you are, trying to make Josh look like a werewolf using editing software. Mark is pointing at the laptop screen, showing you all the different shapes of teeth you can use. Tyler is sitting accross from you both, next to Josh, who's trying to discuss a change in the setlist. But Tyler isn't really listening, he just focuses on your conversation with Mark and how you giggle when you try to insert some sharp pointy teeth on Josh and it looks ridiculous. Then Tyler leans forward, clearly annoyed and with a crooked smile he looks at you and says, "Hey, you know...why don't you show Mark your scars? I'm sure you could make a great horrormovie with those in mind." Venom drips from every word and you feel a sharp sting going right through your heart. Tyler gets up swiftly and runs outside, smacking the door of the bus shut with a loud bang. You feel like crying, but Mark and Josh are there and you can't break down in front of them. Josh looks at you with fear in his eyes and he reaches out. You let him take your hand, but then quickly push him away as you follow Tyler outside. 

You find him pacing around the back of the bus. You cross your arms and look at him. You feel hurt and upset. But you also feel like this confirms your choice not to trust him. Your choice to stay clear. You knew he would eventually show his face and now that you've seen it, you're relieved that you didn't pursue this any further. Tyler stops pacing and stares back at you. His eyes are so dark and he looks so angry. You shake your head, "Why are you so mean?" You ask, still holding your arms crossed. He sniffs, "Why are you so cold?" He says with a trembling voice. "Tyler, I've been honest with you and since we're all adults here..." "An adult doesn't run away from something like this!" He yells at you, spreading his arms wide. You uncross your arms and take a step back. "I'm not running. I have made a choice and you should learn how to deal with that." You answer, trying to remain calm. But Tyler isn't calm at all, he runs his hands through his hair, looking desperate. "I should deal with what? The fact that you made me think that what we had was real?" He shakes his head in disbelief, "Do you sleep with all those other guys as well? I bet you do, I bet you enjoy toying with other peoples emotions and when you're sick of them, you just dump them and move on. You know what, you're nothing but a common whore..."

Your jaw drops. You feel anger boiling inside of you and you keep looking at Tyler, who obviously immediately regrets his words. He keeps shaking his head, in an effort to take it back. But he can't and you just repeat, "Why are you so mean?" You barely notice the tears that fall from your eyes as you turn around, leaving Tyler to mumble, "Sorry...I'm sorry..." You enter the bus and start to pack your bags. This is over. You don't want to stay a minute longer.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

It’s been more than 4 months since you’ve last seen Tyler. Josh has called you a hundred times to check up on you. You tell him you’re fine, every time, but you’re not. The fact that you let Tyler in has left another scar on your chest and even though scars are all you have, you need time to heal again. You cried for a week. You had never cried over a boy before. But Tyler held you and loved you that night, you know he did, and then he did the one thing you had feared the most. He took your weakness and used it to hurt you.

The fact that you had somehow seen it coming, makes this whole thing even worse. You hit yourself in the head for being this dumb. And the moment you tried to prevent it, it was already too late.

You’re in the bathroom of your apartment in Colombus, washing up after the session with Peter. Peter is a loyal client, visiting every two weeks and you have absolutely no connection with him whatsoever. You smile at yourself in the mirror, proud of your strength these past months. It’s been so hard to become the person you were before, but you feel like today was a good day and you’re finally back to your usual self.

You walk Peter to the door. But when you open it, your heart nearly explodes. You gasp, shocked to find Tyler standing right there. He’s holding up his arm, as if he was about to knock on your door. His face is neutral. He’s not smiling or giving you any indication of what he’s doing here. His eyes shift slowly towards Peter and he looks him up and down. Peter is clearly aware of the tension in the air and scrapes his throat. “Well…uhm, I should…” He says, but Tyler interrupts him, sticking out his hand for handshake. “Hi, I’m Tyler. And you are?” Tyler asks, more sassy than ever. You breathe out through your nose, slightly annoyed by his attempt to make Peter uncomfortable. Peter looks at you first, then shakes Tylers hand, softly mumbling his own name. “Peter? Great. So did she get the job done for you, Peter? Was it satisfying?” Tyler asks sarcastically. “Tyler…” You sigh, but Tyler spreads his arm out at you, as if he’s telling you not to interrupt. “I’m just asking Peter how he feels about your…work. I’m curious, you know.” Tyler says while Peter is trying to squeeze between him and the doorframe, just to get out of this awkward situation. You look at Peter, “I’m sorry, Peter. I will see you next time, okay?” You try to comfort him, but Peter looks confused and leaves with an uncomfortable smile on his face.

As soon as he’s left down the stairs, you look furiously at Tyler. “What the hell are you doing here?” You ask, your jaws clenched together. Tyler shrugs and walks inside your apartment. You close the door behind him, even though you want him to leave. He’s looking around, his back turned to you. “Don’t worry. I’m not here to win you back.” Tyler says, with a bored voice. You feel a slight sting of disappointment but it disappears almost immediately. “Then what do you want?” You ask. Tyler turns around and says, “I want you to come back on tour with me.”

You stare at him, completely caught off guard. “What? Why?” You stutter as Tyler walks over to you. “I need your services. Nothing more. Just that.” He says with a straight face. “And of course I will pay for it.” You keep staring at him with open mouth. “In fact, I will pay you whatever it is you make right now…doing this..." He waves his hand around, "…and double it.” You shake your head, “Why would you wanna do that?” You frown, this seems like something out a freaky movie. Tyler scrapes his throat, “Well, I need your services and since I’m on the road, you’ll need to come with me.” He looks straight at you, “Oh, and there’s one more condition.” He licks his lips, “You can’t see Peter anymore.” He smiles and turns away, “No one else. If I pay you…you will work exclusively for me. No other guys.”

You keep shaking your head, “Tyler, I don’t know if that’s such a good idea…” He looks back at you, “Why not?” He asks, tilting his head. You bite your lip and continue, “The way things ended between us...” Tyler chuckles, “Ooh, you mean, when you took my heart and threw it under a double decker bus? Nah, that won’t be a problem. I’m completely over that, promise.” You know that he’s being sarcastic, but you don’t know how to react to it. "Tyler..." You sigh his name. Tyler keeps chuckling and then walks over to you again. He grabs both your hands in his and your heart skips a beat. "It's a professional thing. Nothing more." He pouts his lips, "We're both professionals, aren't we? It shouldn't be a problem."

You nod slowly, feeling all the strength you felt before leaving your body. As if it's abandoning you, just when you need it most. But Tyler looks so incredibly disarming. And if he pays you what he says will, it's good and easy money. You think about Josh and how you miss him. "Fine. I'll do it."


	19. Chapter Nineteen

You feared the reactions of the crew upon your return. But everyone welcomed you back with open arms, with more than a few of them mentioning what a drag Tyler had been in the past months. Josh couldn’t stop smiling while he hugged you until you were almost out of breath. He grabbed your hand and took you into the little studio on the bus. He just had to show you all his new gear and tell you about everything that happened in the weeks you were gone. You listened to him, smiling and nodding your head. He seemed so happy, it warmed your heart. But the warmth quickly turned into a cold breeze when Tyler walked in and scraped his throat.

You felt everything but at ease with Tyler and began to think this was the worst idea in the world. But he kept his distance, only demanding to spend time with you whenever he felt the need to. So it doesn’t surprise you when he abruptly opens the curtain to your bunk and commands you to take your things and follow him. Since he is paying for your services, you do as you are asked. You quickly take the necessary items and a sweater and meet Tyler outside. He doesn’t say anything. He just turns around and starts walking. You try to keep up with him. Tyler stops and takes a set of keys out of his pocket. He looks at you briefly before opening the passenger door to the rental car that is parked right there. You step into the car and watch Tyler walk to the driver’s side .

As soon as he starts driving, you feel safe. Tyler is good driver and you like it when he’s behind the wheel. You throw your bag onto the backseat and turn to face him. “Tyler, where are we going?” You ask. Tyler bites his lips. “I got us a room.”, is all he says before he turns on the radio.

You arrive at a very standard motel by the side of busy road. The neon sign is flashing and the woman behind the counter is watching tv as you enter. She gives Tyler a key and looks you up and down before you step out again. You feel very uncomfortable here. Isn’t this the kind of place where murders happen? Why aren’t you at a decent hotel? Tyler can afford a room at a hotel? Why is he taking you here?

He locks the door behind you and closes the curtains immediately. You look at the bed and hope that the sheets are clean. But Tyler has other plans. He grabs a chair from the corner of the room and puts it next to the bed. He seems nervous but you try not to stare as you put your bag down on the bed. “Hmm…uh…so yeah... I know that this might not be your kind of thing, but I want you to punish me.” Tylers words linger as your mind is trying to wrap around the idea. You frown and cross your arms, giving him the impression that you have everything under control. “Okay… And how do you propose I do that? I didn’t bring any, uhm, tools for that.” You look around the room. The reason behind Tyler wanting to come here becomes more and more apparent. It’s all very anonymous. Is he really this ashamed?

Tyler shakes his head and stares at you. His face is serious and his eyes are really dark. Your eyes lock and you try not to choke on your breath. This past few weeks you’ve both been avoiding eye contact as much as possible. But right now he’s pulling you in and it’s not where you want to be. “I just…”, He lifts his chin and blinks once, “I need you to spank me.” You tilt your head slightly. The idea of Tylers cute little ass, all red and swollen, turns you on instantly. You never liked that sorta thing, although you have done it with some clients on occassion. But it was never your pleasure, only theirs. Tyler keeps gazing at you. The way his lips part and his hands turn into fists, makes it clear that he's eager. You sigh and come to the realisation that everything is different with Tyler. He makes you want things you've never wanted before. 

So you let your arms fall to your sides, defeated, and tell him to take off his clothes.


	20. Chapter Twenty

You sit down on the chair next to the bed. The bottle of lube is on the floor by your side. You look up at Tyler, standing there, naked and blindfolded. His lips are slightly parted, his breath is steady and calm. That is exactly how you are trying to act. Calm and steady, although your insides are shaking. “Take a step forward.” You command and Tyler does just what he’s told. 

You let your fingertips slide over his hips and lower belly. His skin is soft and warm. You bite your lips a little bit, aware that Tyler can’t see you anyway. Your fingers explore his skin without hesitation. You feel the strength of your alter ego slowly rising. You grab his hips and turn him to his side. Tyler follows your instructions, not humming a word. “Bow down.” You say, your hand on his lower back. “All the way down, your hands on your feet, c’mon.” Your voice sounds strict and impatient. You grab the lube and rub it all over your hands. Tyler is bent down in front of you. You reach between his legs and grab his cock harshly and rub it up and down. He shivers at the sudden touch but stays still. His hands are resting on his feet. Your other hand is on his buttcheeks, stroking and squeezing them. After a few minutes you hold your breath and lift your hand. It comes down hard with a loud smack. You bite your lips in expectation, slowly rubbing the skin on his butt. Tyler huffs a little bit but he keeps quiet and stays still. You repeat your action twice in a row, while you keep jerking his cock. This makes Tyler shake and moan slightly. “You like that? Huh, you like it when I spank you, boy?” You ask, a little bit aroused by all of this. Tyler nods and moans, “Yes, ma’am. Thank you, ma’am.” You respond, “Hmm.” And then you spank him 5 times in a row. 

By the time 15 minutes have passed, Tyler is already a whining mess, barely capable of holding his position. You tell him to stand up and direct him to come closer to you. He lets you guide him as you make him bend over in your lap. He puts his hands on the floor, his head down and he’s leaning over your lap. His torso is resting on top of your legs. You take more lube, tell him to spread his legs and put your hand back on his hard, throbbing cock. Tyler lets out small high pitched sounds every time you touch him. Your other hand is back in position, rubbing lube all over his buttcheeks. You start spanking him, switching between his left and right buttcheek but not stopping in between. All this time you keep rubbing his cock, mixing pain with pleasure. Tyler tries to stay composed at first, but the constant spanking and jerking is soon making him squirm in your lap. He’s whining and moaning and he grabs your legs, trying to hold on. His whole body trembles every time you hit him. “ Uuuuuh…ooooh, uh, please…uh…” He moans, begging under his breath. 

You stop and rub his red, hot skin softly. He is still squirming, trying to stay in his position but he’s having a hard time. For a second you feel bad for him, but then you remember that moment on the bus and the venom dripping from each and every one of his words. You smile, recognizing the position of power you are in right now. You lift your hand and start spanking him again, no remorse.  
Tyler wraps his arms around your legs, crying and moaning. His legs are pushing down to floor, his feet sliding away. You hold him down, still rubbing his wet cock and spanking him until his skin is flaming red. “You’ve been such a bad, bad boy.” You say and add, “Are you sorry now?” Tyler doesn’t respond, he just keeps whining and you repeat yourself, feeling your anger grow with each word, “Are you sorry now? Huh?” 

“I….uuuuuh, I …am… so…” Tyler moans and you stop spanking him to let him speak. You keep stroking his cock up and down. He rubs his wet face against your leg, whining and crying. “I’m…I’m close.” He groans. You stop touching him, slightly disappointed at his response. Tyler is trying very hard to catch his breath. You sigh, softly stroking his burning red cheeks. “We’re not done yet, boy.”


	21. Chapter Twenty One

You remove your hands entirely from his body. Tyler still has his arms wrapped around your legs. “Get up.” You command him. He lets go of you and pushes himself up. He’s struggling to find his balance. His legs are shaking but he regains his posture and self control. You notice that he’s trying to control his breathing. He breathes in through his nose and slowly out through his mouth. You stare at him for a while, pretty sure that Tyler doesn’t mind the tiny break. His beauty still bewilders you. As he’s standing here in front of you, all flushed and sweaty. You watch his nostrils open wide as he breathes in, the way his dry lips part as he breathes out. For some reason you feel your throat tighten and you can’t help but feel like crying. 

So you try to shake the feeling and scrape your throat. You take more lube and put your hands on him, cupping his hard member, slowly stroking it. Tyler likes this a lot, his toes curl and he hums softly. You rub the sensitive red skin on his behind. He enjoys the sweet, caring sensation. But you don’t want him to have too much fun. You spank him hard and it comes as such a surprise to him, he screams out in pain and almost falls to his knees. You chuckle and hit him again. This time he was prepared and keeps his posture, but he groans. You keep smiling as you watch tears escaping his blindfold. You hit him again and again and then you stop.

“Do you want more, boy?” Tyler breathes in and nods, “Yes, ma’am. Please, ma’am.” You smirk, thinking how he wouldn’t have had the choice anyway. You have no idea why Tyler feels the need to be punished, but you know exactly why you feel the need to be the one who gets to punish him. You make him bend down in your lap again. 

As you repeat the routine of spanking and rubbing him down, you see Tyler becoming more and more of mess. You try not to let it get to you, thinking he’s getting exactly what he asked for. Tyler groans, “Uuuuh, oh, uuuh…please…aaaah…” You don’t pay any attention to him. But he can’t hold it any longer, his face pressed down against the side of your leg. Tyler softly bites down on the fabric your pants. His hand slides between your legs, squeezing the inside of your thigh as muffled moans escape him. You stop touching him and you want to tell him to stop biting and touching you. But the sight of it is so freaking cute. He looks so helpless. You can’t find the courage to tell him off. 

So you gently place your hand back on his member, softly jerking it. Tyler stops biting, moaning louder and louder. “Ooooh….uuuuuh….close…I’m close…” He grunts and his hand moves from your thigh to his tummy and then he reaches out to your hand. He places his hand over yours for a few seconds, going along with your soft rubbing movements. But you spank him and he quickly realizes this is not how it works. “Ooooh, so close now…” He groans. But you won’t grant him the pleasure of coming just yet. You stop and softly stroke your hands all over his body. His back, his butt, his legs. You let your fingertips glide over his skin. Tyler moans in short bursts, “Uh…uh…oh…” You know he wants to come, but that’s not what he’s gonna get right now. 

A full minute passes, and Tyler has calmed down. His body is resting on your lap and his arms are pushing back on the floor. You are still stroking his soft, sweaty skin. Then you lift your hand and start spanking him. Hard. You keep spanking his already red swollen cheeks, without offering him any pleasure. Tyler screams out and squirms in your lap. But you don’t stop. His muscles tighten, his screams turn into whining sounds and then his body relaxes, tired of fighting. You keep spanking and he keeps whining. His arms are wrapped around your legs again. He holds on to you, whining turns into sobbing. But you still won’t stop. “Bad boy, Tyler.” You whisper, knowing very well you are abusing this situation. You’re causing him more pain than he needs. But you are so calm inside. It’s almost as if you alter ego is telling you that it’s okay. Tyler is just crying, his body entirely numb and his feet softly kicking against the floor. “Are you sorry now?” You ask, your voice barely more than a whisper. Tyler whines, and tries to speak in between his sobs, “Yeah….yes….ma’am…” You stop and let him speak. He sobs and rubs his nose swiftly with his hand. “I’m sorry…sorry…please…” 

“Stand up.” Tyler slowly tries to get up, his knees weak and his entire body covered in lube and sweat. You sigh, “I hope you’ve learned your lesson now.” You say and get up from the chair. You take off his blindfold and stare into his red, wet and empty eyes. He stares back at you. You wait for him to get angry at you, but he doesn’t. You cross your arms, “I’m not gonna let you come this time, Tyler. You don’t deserve it.” He just keeps staring at you, tears still falling from his eyes, hitting his dry parted lips. “Do you understand?” You ask, not sure how to react to his silence. Tyler doesn’t say anything, he just nods slowly, “Yes. Thank you, ma’am.”


	22. Chapter Twenty Two

In the days that follow, Tyler avoids you completely. He spends a lot of time alone, probably writing cause you can hear him humming sounds in his bunk. You take the opportunity to spend time with Josh, who is more than curious about your relationship with Tyler. 

“So…you being back…does it mean…you know?” He’s weighing his words carefully, unsure of what can he can or cannot say. You look at him and recall all the times you’ve confided in him. It’s almost unreal that you can’t seem to do that anymore. It feels like you’re being unfair to Josh, because he was once your best friend. Your only friend. But right now, you have to consider his relationship with Tyler and because of that the distance between you and Josh has only grown. 

“Tyler and I are just friends.” You say and look away instantly. You’re playing with his drumsticks while Josh is cleaning his drums. “Are you sure? Cause you seem to be…” Josh is asking, curiously. You interrupt him, “I’m very sure. There will never be anything more than friendship between Tyler and me. He’s too…complicated.” Josh chuckles and says, “Well, it’s a good thing that you’ve got it all figured out then.” You stop twirling the drumsticks between your fingers and stare at Josh. “What does that mean?” You ask, aggravated. He pouts his lip and shrugs. “You know. We all have our issues, right?” His voice is soft and not threatening. You keep staring at him, finding some truth in his words, but you can’t seem to convince yourself that it’s enough. “It’s not enough.” You say and you get up from the floor, ready to exit the room. But Josh calls your name, “Wait!” He gets up and grabs your hand. “Look, I don’t know what happened between you and him and if you don’t want to talk to me, that’s fine. But I saw how happy you were together, even if it only lasted for one week. Don’t you think that’s worth something?” He bites his lips and keeps holding your hand up against his chest. You can feel his heart beat through his shirt. Knowing Josh, he doesn’t easily meddle in other peoples affairs and it’s clear that doing so makes him nervous. 

“Josh…” You want to tell him everything. Everything that you’ve kept to yourself for so long and you want to cry on his shoulder and have him tell you that it’s gonna be allright. But then Tyler is standing in the doorway. He’s wearing a blue shirt and sunglasses, but you can feel his eyes are aimed right at you. Josh turns his head to Tyler and lets go of your hand. Tyler smirks and his voice is hoarse, “Hope I’m not interrupting or anything…” He walks inside, while Josh takes a few steps back and scratches the back of his head. “No. No, we were just…” Josh stutters, but Tyler doesn’t let him finish. “Yeah, I need to talk to Y/N.” He turns to you and his face is just neutral. You are a little bit caught off guard. Tyler has been avoiding talking to you or to anyone these past days and now he insists on a private conversation. You look at Josh, who is biting his bottom lip and widening his eyes behind Tylers back. “Okay, so talk.” You say, gesturing with your hand to go ahead. But Tyler just grabs your arm and pulls you out of the room.

He drags you all the way down the hall and into a small room with some tables, chairs and a flatscreen tv. You look around while he closes the door behind you and notice it’s probably a conference room. “Tyler, I’m not sure if we…” But when you turn around, Tyler is standing right in front of you. He places both his hands on your cheeks and kisses you hard on the lips. You are completely surprised and you don’t really know how to react. Then he stops and lets go of you. You wipe your mouth with your sleeve, “What the hell?” You try to sound disgusted, but you can’t. Tyler rubs his fingers through his hair, takes off his sunglasses and then holds up his hand and starts apologizing. “Sorry, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that…I know…” He mutters and stares at the floor. “I know that you hate me.” He says and his words are filled with pain. You look at him. A scared and confused little boy is what you see. But most of all, you see regret. His entire posture, the way he fiddles with his sunglasses and bites his lip, everything about him screams regret.

You sigh and take a few steps towards him. “I don’t hate you, Tyler. I never hated you.” You say, almost whispering. “But you’ve hurt me and I don’t know if I can ever get past that with you.” Tyler looks up at you now. You notice the bags underneath his bloodshot eyes. He hasn’t been sleeping enough. He shakes his head, trying to avoid tears from falling, but he can’t, “I know…I’m sorry, I told you that I am…sorry. I just wanted you to give me a chance. You never gave me a chance!” His voice is crackled now and he’s using his hands to emphasize what he’s saying. “I know you felt it too. That night we shared? You felt it too. And the minute you realized how precious that was, you just ran away. You never gave me a chance, you just ran.”

You swallow and try to fight the tears. You know he’s right. But it’s too late now. “And you thought you could make me change my mind by betraying my trust?” You ask sarcastically. Tyler shakes his head furiously, “No! I know what I did was wrong, but don’t you get it? You hurt me first!” You chuckle, “That’s ridiculous! It’s not about who hurt who first…” Tyler interrupts you, “You played with my feelings too! And don’t tell me it’s not true. You like being the one in control. As long as you can make decisions you’re in the safe zone. But I wasn’t. Do you have any idea what it took for me to let you control me like that?” 

“Oh, poor you! Getting a handjob while being tied to a fucking bed! Lots of men pay me to do that shit to them. So don’t give me that crap. You liked it and that’s all there is to that.” You’re raising your voice, more than you probably should. But Tyler acting like the victim in all this is just making you so angry. Tyler snorts, “Just like I liked it when you hit me so hard that I couldn’t sit down the next day?” Your eyes widen and you point your finger at him. “No! Don’t give me that bullshit, Tyler! You asked for that!” 

Tyler nods, putting his hands in his pockets. “I did. I did ask for that. You wanna know why?” He leans in towards you, but doesn’t wait for an answer. “I wanted you to hurt me, the way I hurt you. The way I always hurt everyone around me. That’s why.” He wipes his nose with the back of his hand. He’s frustrated, you can tell and he starts to pace from one side of the room to the other. “I have done…so many bad things. Not only did I push away the one girl that I ever really connected with. The one girl that I ever really…loved.” He gestures at you and then looks at the floor again, while pacing around the room. “I have disappointed my family, my friends, my...savior…” His voice fades out, but his face is aimed towards the sky. You tilt your head slightly and keep your eyes glued on him. You can see him silently praying, his lips uttering words you can’t hear.


	23. Chapter Twenty Three

“Tyler?” You take a step towards him. “Tyler?” He seems to be in some sort of trance. You softly touch his arm which shakes him out of it. He swiftly turns his face to you, tears rolling down his cheeks. His eyes are so dark and you can’t help but somehow feel responsible. “Talk to me, Tyler.” 

He shivers and puts his right hand on his left bicep, squeezing it gently. “I deserve to be punished. I deserve to be dragged through hell and back.” He says, convincingly nodding. You frown, “Why would you say that? You’re a good person.” But Tyler shakes his head, “No. No, I’m not. I’ve let everyone down. And now I’ve let you down as well.” 

“Tyler…I didn’t mean...” You bite your lip, finally admitting to yourself that you are being too hard on him. Something your foster mom once said to you rings through your head “You need to learn how to forgive” and it stings like only the truth can sting. “I might have been…I made a mistake.” You say, scraping your throat. You cross your arms and look down at your feet. Being this vulnerable, admitting to your own mistakes isn’t as easy as pointing out the mistakes of others. “You didn’t let me down, Tyler. If anything I made you believe in something that I obviously wasn’t ready for. And that part is all on me.” 

Tyler has stopped crying. He’s looking at you, patiently waiting for you to finish speaking. But you can’t seem to. “I didn’t mean to lead you on. I was so conflicted and I dragged you into my own mess. I made this mistake just as much as you did, so maybe I shouldn’t be this angry with you. It’s just easier to be angry, you know? It’s easier than having to face the fact that I will end up sad and alone because I’m too afraid of what might happen when I let someone get this close. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry too.” You are almost crying now, feeling so small. But before you can even breathe again, Tyler is wrapping his arms around you. 

The warmth of his body feels so familiar and yet it seems as if you’ve had to miss it for so long. You close your eyes and take it all in. Your head resting on his shoulder, his breath calm and steady, his fingers slowly caressing your back. Being in his embrace, you feel warm and safe and you wish you could stay here forever. Tyler doesn’t let go. He just keeps his arms wrapped tightly around you. He lifts his head and kisses your forehead. “It’s okay. I’m right here, it’s okay.” He whispers and for some reason it’s exactly what you needed to hear.

That night Tyler falls asleep in your bed. He knocked on your door after the show, asking if you wanted to watch a movie. But he fell asleep after 10 minutes, exhausted and in dire need of sleep. You turn off the tv and make your way to the bathroom. When you walk back in, you stop and stare at this guy in your bed. His face is the manifestation of innocence. You wonder what he meant by all those ‘bad things’ he’s done. You can’t even begin to imagine him doing something so horrible, that he deserves to go to hell for it. You walk around to the other side of the bed and gently cover him with a blanket. Then you get in next to him and turn on your side away from him. You listen to him breathing as you fall asleep. The last thought on your mind being the realization that you don’t mind that he’s sleeping in your bed.


End file.
